Coach O

In the wake of LSU’s fourth national championship in college football, I could wax poetic on the historic significance of the Tigers’ dominating 15-0 season.

Write about how this Bayou Bengal squad is perhaps the greatest team in college football history, ever, for all time, end of story, period.

How it’s the first SEC team ever to finish 15-0, the first team ever to beat the top 4 teams in the AP preseason poll, how it beat 7 top-10 teams.

How there was not a single game in which LSU’s opponent had the opportunity to win on its last possession.

How LSU totally obliterated three top-4 teams in the postseason:  skull-f*cked Georgia, destroyed Oklahoma (49 points in the first half!), and toyed with Clemson before another blowout, kneeling on the final drive instead of scoring another easy TD.

How it secured every major college football award possible, including Joe Burrow’s Heisman Trophy, won by the largest margin in the award’s prestigious history.

How it was the first SEC team to feature a 5,000 yard passer, two 1,000 yard receivers, and a 1,000 rusher in the same season.

How LSU’s third national championship since 2000 elevates the program’s overall status within the SEC as second only to Alabama.  The Tigers average a national title game appearance every four years since 2003; they average winning it all every five years.

How its coach from the bayou redeemed himself and, along the way, a football team and perhaps an entire state.

A few years ago, Coach O famously said, “We comin.'”  To borrow from Bill Murray in Ghostbusters, the Tigahs came, they saw, they kicked some ass.

How its players were gregarious, cocky, yet likable, and played with more swagger as the season progressed and they knew without doubt of their superiority over any team they’d face.

I could write about all those things and more, tying a pretty purple-and-gold bow on the greatest season in LSU football history, if not all of college football history, ever, for all time, end of story, period.

But that’s too easy.  Instead, I’ll write about the uniquely Louisianan post-game celebratory week that was, from cash, to cigars, to Popeyes, to dancing in the White House, and a Mardi Gras-style victory parade.

You see, Louisianans celebrate life even when there’s nothing in particular to celebrate.

Throw in a national championship by the state’s beloved Fighting Tigers, and the celebration takes on a life of its own, as we witnessed last week.

It was quintessentially Looziana:  fun, carefree, wild, borderline out of control yet somehow not off the rails, head-scratching, genuine, in the present, living life, celebrating it, dammit.

Before diving in, I must reveal that within days of LSU’s historic victory, a good UGA friend told me to stop celebrating, that the season was over and it was time to move on.

Haaaa haha haaaaa!  How ’bout YOU move on from 1980 and stop acting like your lone title was last week.

Guess what, pal:  my team’s fourth natty WAS last week!

With that, some highlights of the Tigahs’ celebratory week that can’t be made up:

– It started before the game clock hit zero when Joe Burrow, in a total boss move, pointed to his ring finger after throwing yet another TD.  He’d later reveal LSU’s players were measured for rings in advance of the game.  Of course they were.

– Also before the Superdome clock expired, the Golden Band from Tiger Land played “Neck” and the student section wildly yelled “STTDB.”  ESPN’s microphones clearly picked up the cheer and all its subtle, delicate messaging.

– Former LSU wide receiver Odell Beckham Jr. hands out massive wads of cash to LSU players on the field right after the game.  Stupid, ridiculous, embarrassing, kind of funny for a minute.

– The Tigers light up victory cigars in the locker room, and plenty of them.  A Superdome police officer — a “Dome Patrol” impostor — threatens players with arrest if they continue to violate the Dome’s no-smoking policy.  Talk about a buzz stomp.

– Coach Ed Orgeron tells ESPN’s Scott Van Pelt that he’ll celebrate by enjoying a ham sandwich with his wife.  Turns out Coach Eaux ended up honchoing some Popeyes instead (the postgame meal provided to LSU’s players).  Love Dat Chicken From Popeyes!

– LSU fans across the South try to focus on work over the next few days, but internet traffic on LSU sports sites skyrockets at precisely the same rate as fans’ work productivity falls.

– The Tigers head to our nation’s capital for an official White House congratulatory reception.  President Trump tells LSU players how rich they’re going to be in the NFL and says the U.S. killed terrorists just like LSU would have.  Can’t make it up.

– No LSU visit to the White House is complete without some impromptu dancing, so players fire up “Get the Gat,” their unofficial theme song, and enlist a rich booster’s wife for help getting the gat.

– LSU returns to Baton Rouge and hosts a victory parade in full Mardi Gras fashion.  Fans tailgate along the route and on campus, and cram into the Pete Maravich Assembly Center where Coach O chokes up during his speech.

Coach O

– SEC Banter hosts the entire LSU football team at his house in Atlanta for a raucous throwdown, which is broken up prematurely by neighborhood rent-a-cops.  Banter gives the cops a “Geaux Tigahs” in his best Coach O impersonation.

Kidding, of course, about the fictional throwdown at my house, but I’m not kidding when I tell you I’ll be outfitted head to toe in official national championship gear from my good friend, Peter Millar.  Just look at that gorgeous logo:

Peter Millar

Speaking of the logo, in case you were dying to know the explanation behind every detail of it:

Natty Logo

If you’ve read this far you’re a true Tigah fan.  Savor this.  It doesn’t get any better than the greatest team in college football history, ever, for all time, end of story, period.

To those who point out we lost a ton of talent to the draft and have massive holes to fill next year.  Guess what?

We comin’.

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